Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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