Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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