My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
As shirtless as possible
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
