Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
