i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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