Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
