We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
