I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
