Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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