Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
