On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
