I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
