I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
