Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Im part way to drunk.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
