the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
