that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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