Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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