Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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