So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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