Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
