who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
