I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
