I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
