So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
