my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
