Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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