drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
