she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
