fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
