She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
