So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
