so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
