3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Your dad touched me again.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I am mentally ready for anal.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
