I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
