Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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