I got chris browned last night
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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