It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
