The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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