I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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