Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
