I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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