I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
