I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
