you have to choose: penises or morals?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
