Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
