A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
"it" just moved
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
