Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
