Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
