wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
