and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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