we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
