I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
