He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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